Danielle's Thoughts on Our Marriage

What leisure activities do you share with your spouse and family? 

Clinton and I really enjoy a good car trip. If the weather is nice we like to go for a drive and see the beauty around us. We also like going for bike rides. It's a great opportunity to breathe in the fresh air and get some exercise at the same time! We also enjoy the "usual stuff" like going to movies, trying out different restaurants, walking the mall and window shopping and watching our favorite TV shows (30 Rock, Raising Hope, The Office, America's Funniest Home Videos, and my husband's favorite, The Simpsons).

How do you express love and affection? 

I am a very physically affectionate person. Among family and friends I am a "hugger". I like the feeling of closeness that a good hug can produce. I'm also usually the first one to say "I love you" at the end of a phone call or visit. With my husband, I love to hug, kiss and hold hands. I make sure that whenever one of us leaves the house that we've hugged, kissed and said "I love you!". Whenever we walk together we hold hands. That's one thing I really find attractive about Clinton is that even after all these years together, he still likes to hold my hand. 

I also like to give compliments. I feel like compliments let the receiver know you appreciate and notice them, which is in and of itself, a form of expressing love and affection

What are the strengths and challenges of your marriage? 

I think one of our biggest strengths is our mutual understanding that marriage takes work. This understanding has blessed us with the ability to overcome disagreements in a calm and productive manner. This has been a huge source of strength and bonding in our relationship. It has created a trust and an anchor that both of us know that no matter how difficult a conversation or disagreement may be that we will conquer it together. 

I think another of our strengths is our senses of humor. We have been through a lot of changes and challenges in our years together, but laughter has been a great source of relief. We love to make each other laugh. We both know that if we can get the other to laugh from a clever pun or funny joke/quote--the other's going to respond likewise. We love laughing and have a great time doing it! 

One of the challenges of our marriage is our defenses. If one of us has something to say about the other, we tend to focus on defending ourselves instead of listening to what the other intends to be construed as constructive. This is something we are aware of, talk about and are working to improve through better communication of our feelings and support and appreciation for each other no matter our differences. We have learned that there are some things we'll always do differently and that neither of us is perfect or perfectly capable of changing or improving overnight. As a couple, we are a work in progress but are happy to continue that work together. 

How do you resolve disagreements? What do you do? What does your spouse do? 

When we disagree about something, become defensive, or begin an argument--we have grown to be able to better "pick our battles". Sometimes a disagreement is worth talking about, re-adressing or dropping all together. We know that there may be times when one or both of us needs to be alone to think or cool off, or that there may be a night of little sleep because something is urgent enough to be worked out right then, or that something may not be "resolved" more than agreeing to just disagree--and that's OK! I used to want to talk everything out before going to bed. I'd always heard that you shouldn't go to bed angry. Clinton, on the other hand, felt that there are times when you just need to clear your mind, sleep off the frustration and re-address it in the morning if you both still feel upset about it. This has actually worked quite well in our relationship and is used just about as often as talking things out. We then hug, kiss, apologize and move forward.

Clinton's Thoughts on Our Marriage

What leisure activities do you share with your spouse and family? 

I probably enjoy traveling the most. I always hate the getting there part (the long drives, sitting in a cramped plane), but I always enjoy myself once we get wherever we're going. I would love to be able to take a big group of my family to Europe!

Danielle and I also enjoy exercising together. We have an exercise bike and a weight set at our house, so we usually exercise at the same time. We keep each other motivated!

How do you express love and affection? 

Danielle would be the first person to say that I like to bug the people that I love most! Nothing mean, of course, just like to mildly pester and be around them.

But, usually, I just enjoy sitting and talking with the people I love the most. Danielle and I are often the people that sit in the Subway or the McDonald's way too long as we chat about work, school, or family.

What are the strengths and challenges of your marriage? 

I would say that our strengths are that we're still each other's best friend. We enjoy being around each other and spending time together. I've seen many couples spend most of their time fighting when they're together, but I'm happy to say that we're one of the few couples that I know that spends a lot of time together and can still resolve our differences in a very upbeat way.

The biggest challenge to our marriage has been our inability to have kids. When we were first married, it didn't take Danielle long to want to start our family. I didn't feel quite ready at the time; I instead wanted to begin my schooling. Over time as we began trying to have children, it became more and more of a difficulty for us to talk about children. Danielle was desperate to have kids, while I was a lot more relaxed about the idea. It created some tension between Danielle and her sisters as her sisters seemed able to have children within a few weeks or trying, while we were not able to. The experience caused Danielle to emotionally separate herself not only from her family, but also from me somewhat. However, now that I've started to feel the desire to start our family, I think this has become something that has brought us together more than it has pulled us apart.

How do you resolve disagreements? What do you do? What does your spouse do? 

Typically when Danielle and I disagree, I'm the type that makes my point while still trying to remain upbeat. In fact, I remember once that I told Danielle that we couldn't argue unless we were able to smile doing it! Eventually, we were able to see that some of our arguments seemed a bit petty, but it also made us see that we don't need to be angry or condescending to make our point known. Now, we each make our point, listen to the other's viewpoint, and come to a compromise. There are times, however, when neither of us can agree (something that occurred a couple of weeks ago), and at that point, we simply agree to drop the issue and to try to act normal again. Usually, this works!