Showing posts with label Danielle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Danielle. Show all posts

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Danielle's Thoughts on Our Marriage

What leisure activities do you share with your spouse and family? 
Clinton and I really enjoy a good car trip. If the weather is nice we like to go for a drive and see the beauty around us. We also like going for bike rides. It's a great opportunity to breathe in the fresh air and get some exercise at the same time! We also enjoy the "usual stuff" like going to movies, trying out different restaurants, walking the mall and window shopping and watching our favorite TV shows (30 Rock, Raising Hope, The Office, America's Funniest Home Videos, and my husband's favorite, The Simpsons).

How do you express love and affection? 
I am a very physically affectionate person. Among family and friends I am a "hugger". I like the feeling of closeness that a good hug can produce. I'm also usually the first one to say "I love you" at the end of a phone call or visit. With my husband, I love to hug, kiss and hold hands. I make sure that whenever one of us leaves the house that we've hugged, kissed and said "I love you!". Whenever we walk together we hold hands. That's one thing I really find attractive about Clinton is that even after all these years together, he still likes to hold my hand. 
I also like to give compliments. I feel like compliments let the receiver know you appreciate and notice them, which is in and of itself, a form of expressing love and affection

What are the strengths and challenges of your marriage? 
I think one of our biggest strengths is our mutual understanding that marriage takes work. This understanding has blessed us with the ability to overcome disagreements in a calm and productive manner. This has been a huge source of strength and bonding in our relationship. It has created a trust and an anchor that both of us know that no matter how difficult a conversation or disagreement may be that we will conquer it together. 
I think another of our strengths is our senses of humor. We have been through a lot of changes and challenges in our years together, but laughter has been a great source of relief. We love to make each other laugh. We both know that if we can get the other to laugh from a clever pun or funny joke/quote--the other's going to respond likewise. We love laughing and have a great time doing it! 
One of the challenges of our marriage is our defenses. If one of us has something to say about the other, we tend to focus on defending ourselves instead of listening to what the other intends to be construed as constructive. This is something we are aware of, talk about and are working to improve through better communication of our feelings and support and appreciation for each other no matter our differences. We have learned that there are some things we'll always do differently and that neither of us is perfect or perfectly capable of changing or improving overnight. As a couple, we are a work in progress but are happy to continue that work together. 

How do you resolve disagreements? What do you do? What does your spouse do? 
When we disagree about something, become defensive, or begin an argument--we have grown to be able to better "pick our battles". Sometimes a disagreement is worth talking about, re-adressing or dropping all together. We know that there may be times when one or both of us needs to be alone to think or cool off, or that there may be a night of little sleep because something is urgent enough to be worked out right then, or that something may not be "resolved" more than agreeing to just disagree--and that's OK! I used to want to talk everything out before going to bed. I'd always heard that you shouldn't go to bed angry. Clinton, on the other hand, felt that there are times when you just need to clear your mind, sleep off the frustration and re-address it in the morning if you both still feel upset about it. This has actually worked quite well in our relationship and is used just about as often as talking things out. We then hug, kiss, apologize and move forward.

Danielle's Questionnaire

Background Information
Describe your personality, strengths, and weaknesses: 
I would describe my personality as caring, nurturing, cheerful and optimistic. I try everyday to make the lives of those around me a little bit better.
Sometimes that means I need to share a funny quote or joke I've heard to help someone smile. Other times I find myself writing a note or making a phone call to let people know I'm thinking of them. I'm not afraid to step outside of my "comfort zone" to make someone new or alone feel welcomed or noticed. I also try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt. No one is perfect and thinking of others in a positive way helps me keep things in perspective. I think one of my biggest strengths is my faith. The trials I have experienced in this life have led me to trust that God truly knows what is best for me. I know that even if I don't understand why I am asked to experience a particular trial, God can help me get through it. 
I think some of my other strengths are compassion, empathy and integrity. I know who I have the potential to become and I know that others possess those same divine attributes. We each have times when we need a good friend or confidant and I feel like I have been blessed to know when I can be that kind of help to those around me. 

As far as my weaknesses, I know that patience is something that I am constantly working on. Through the loving help and endless patience of my husband, I feel like I have already come a long way. I have come to realize that things don't have to run smoothly or look perfect, to still have a happy life. These realizations are making room for me to continue to improve and focus on the things that really matter--like a happy family and service to others. 

Describe your hopes, goals, and aspirations: 
I hope to be a mom someday who raises her kids in a happy and laughter-filled home. I've always wanted to be a mom. I can't tell you how many times I pretended to be pregnant and have babies when I played house as a little girl. I loved each of my baby dolls and thought of them as my very own. I hope one day to be able to feel that love for real with our own real children. :) 
A personal goal of mine is to finish my schooling. I have been blessed with great jobs that have allowed me to support my husband while he has been in school, but I would really love to complete my degrees someday. There are two fields I would like to pursue, both of which I already have some schooling completed. When I can, I'd like to go back to beauty school to complete my training and get my license so I can really expand my skills and clientele. I'm
blessed to be able to cut, color and style hair on the side, but my goal is to one day run a full-service salon out of my home. I'd also like to become a music therapist someday. I studied music therapy my senior year of high school and took a few semesters of music major courses in college. This is something I'd like to pursue once my children are grown and I can dedicate myself to the program full-time. Music is such a powerful healing tool and I'd love to share my love of it with those who are in need.

Describe your spouse's personality, strengths, and weaknesses: 
Clinton is a real character! He has a wonderful ability to make any situation a happy one. There is not a day that goes by that he doesn't have me laughing.
He promised me when we were engaged that he would make me laugh everyday, and he has held true to that promise! I love how happy he is and I love his sense of humor! 
Clinton's strengths are many. I would definitely include his happy personality as one of his strengths. It has provided comfort during stressful times and relief from hurt or sadness. Another of Clinton's strengths is his ability to argue from both sides. He is very good at listening to and understanding both sides of an argument or situation. I'll often times turn to him for help in understanding someone because I know he'll be able to help me see/understand what I couldn't before.
This leads me into another strength--Clinton is accepting of all people in all types of situations. He is not afraid to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, sit beside someone who is alone or offer a hand of help. I love that about him! He does not judge others but sees them as another person probably just trying their best to do what they believe is right. 
If I must list a weakness for my husband, I guess I could say his ability to be logical at times could be considered a weakness. Sometimes I just want him to listen to me and validate my feelings but he sees it as an opportunity to solve my problems. I know he means well, but sometimes a girl just needs to let it all out and be told that everything will be ok. We've discussed this together and I know it is something he is working on.

Photo Album

Married August 2003, Portland, Oregon
                                      
Tulip Festival, Oregon 2006
Clinton's Surprise Airplane Ride, Wisconsin 2011
Peter and Danielle Enjoying a Walk on a Warm Spring Day, Wisconsin 2011
 Valentine's Day, Dinner at Meritage, Wisconsin 2012
 Clinton's 30th Birthday Surprise Party
 Out Enjoying Dinner with Friends at Buffalo Wild Wings, Clinton loves the wings and I love their black bean burger.  Mmm! Wisconsin 2011
 Paddle Boating on Lake Michigan, Wisconsin 2012
On our way down to Disney World...it was WAY early in the morning, but we were super excited to go!!  2012

 EPCOT, Florida 2012
 The sunset in EPCOT was so beautiful!!
 Navy Pier Ferris Wheel, Chicago 2011 (it was FREEZING!)
 Clear Water, Florida 2012
 Magic Kingdom, Florida 2012
Ferry Ride to the Magic Kingdom, Florida 2012 
 Chair lift at the Wisconsin State Fair, 2012...well worth the $4!
 Chicago Botanical Gardens, 8th Anniversary Trip, 2011
 My 28th B-day celebration with friends at Red Robin, 2012
 Millenium Park, Chicago 2012
 Just a quick pic before I left on a quick trip back home to see my family.  I was only gone for a couple days, but I had to have something to look at of us together while I was away. :) 2010
 Isn't he adorable?  We love him to pieces! 
 Clinton's White Coat Ceremony, 1st year of Med School, 2009
 Our "Family Photo" for our Christmas card, Door County, Wisconsin 2009
 Light House on the Peninsula, Door County, 2009
 Canada Day in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada 2010 (I was wearing Canadian gear under the sweater...trust me!)
 My first taste of Poutine (french fries, cheese curds and gravy).  Sounds disgusting, but it was soooo good!! Quebec, Canada 2010
 Gatineau Park, Quebec 2010
 Clinton's Grandma and Us, Alberta, Canada, Christmas 2010

Danielle's Family

Describe your parents including education, occupation, personality, interests, etc.: 
My dad is very knowledgeable, intelligent, witty and creative. He can turn anything into a song, poem or joke. He has a large collection of amazing poems that he has written over the years. While many of them are light-hearted, most of his poems focus on religious themes that exemplify his love for diety.
Growing up I always knew if I had a question about why something was the way that it was, or needed some advice, I knew my dad would be a great resource. He obtained his bachelor's degree at Brigham Young University and then went on to complete a law degree at McGeorge School of Law. It was always a dream of his to be an attorney, but life brought him a different opportunity to use his talents and education in the church. He worked for our church's work-assistance program as a Rehabilitation Manager for many years. He helped people overcome addictions, trials, and insecurities. Since retiring from rehabilitation management, he keeps himself busy working as an insurance specialist at my brother's dental office. In his spare time he loves to read autobiographies, historical novels or James Bond books, go golfing with my brothers, go for long drives to the coast or up to the mountain or enjoy Law and Order reruns.

My mom is very spiritual and bright. She started college shortly after getting married and didn't really care for it. She soon after found out they were expecting their first child and she decided to dedicate her time and talents to being a mother. My mom would do anything for her children. She sacrificed warm meals, restful nights and free-time to herself so that her children could be happy and comfortable. We were and still are her life. It was always her dream to be close friends with her kids as they grew up and had families of their own and I believe that dream has come true. My mom is very kind-hearted and soft-spoken. Her heart is so full of love for her family and friends. She puts 100% into everything! She too works at my brother's dental office, as the office manager. She is dependable and knows how to get things done! In her spare time she loves to play with her grandbabies, paint, sew, read a good book, watch a good movie (aka, take a nap) or play Scrabble.

Explain your parents' methods of discipline: 
Although there was the occasional spanking or "popping on the mouth" when my siblings or I was especially mouthy or disobedient, these were not the usual methods used for discipline. My parents strongly believed in teaching us what was right and wrong then allowed us to make our own choices. We knew that no matter what they would love us and help us. When we made a poor choice it was a teaching opportunity for our parents to help us understand how to better avoid mistakes in the future and how to make things right. I remember when I was about seven were were in line at K-Mart. I saw a pack of grape Bubble Yum Gum and asked my mom if I could have it.  She told me "no" but I was determined to have that gum and put it in my pocket when no one was looking. Feeling victorious I climbed into the back of our van and forgot to buckle. At the next light, when my mom applied the brakes, the packet flew out of my pocket and landed in the front of the van. My brother proceeded to tattle on me. When we got home my siblings were dropped of and my mom turned the car around to take me back to the store. During the drive there she talked to me about what I had done and asked me if I understood why it was wrong to steal. I knew it was. She told me I would need to return the gum myself and apologize. I began to protest but she told me it was part of the consequence--I needed to make things right. Holding my hand, my mom walked me back to the cashier and told her I had something to say. Crying, I walked up to the cashier, admitted my fault, apologized and returned the gum.  She said "thank you for being honest." 
My mom not only taught me that stealing was wrong cause it hurts others, but that I needed to be accountable for my actions.  This is how it was with all learning opportunities in my life. I knew that I could turn to my parents for help and I could count on their helping me the best they could, to do what was right.

What is your present relationship with your parents and siblings? 
My relationship with my parents and siblings is very important to me. Although we live quite a distance apart we keep in touch with each other by phone, Facebook, Skype and email. I also make a point to visit home at least twice a year so I can play with my nieces and nephews, give/get hugs and to just spend time with my family. Growing up, my parents always counseled us become best friends with our siblings because friends would come and go, but families are forever. I believe we really are each other's best friends.

Relate any special experiences or memories: 
My family loved road trips. Road trips meant Slurpees, endless games of "I Spy", the Alphabet game (whoever can start with the letter A and get to Z using street names or billboards or restaurant signs first, wins!), and the license plate game (whoever comes up with the most clever phrase based on the license plate letters on the car in front of you, wins!). We also sang loudly to all of the oldies on the radio or made up songs when the signal cut out. Our road trips were mostly to go see family in neighboring states, but we also loved to go to the coast or on camping trips. One of my most memorable camping trips was when it rained HARD the entire time we were there. My dad and brothers hung tarps over our entire campsite so we could stay dry. Since the only dry place was our campsite, our bikes and toys stayed covered and we depended on each other for entertainment. We played cards and boardgames, sang songs while my dad played the guitar, ate delicious meals and snacks and spent hours talking around the campfire. We all thought the rain was going to ruin our trip, but it actually made it a lot better. The last day of our trip the sun came out long enough for us to pack everything up and take our bikes for a quick spin. It was definitely my favorite camping trip ever!

Share any traumatic events that have impacted your life: 
I think one of the most significant traumatic events in my life was when I lost sight in my right eye during a bungy cord accident when I was five. Before my accident I was afraid of nothing and no one. I was a daredevil! After my accident, I realized that people can get hurt, that injuries can be permanent and that people can be mean or judgmental. Until I received my prosthetic lens, I was constantly asked, "What happened to your eye?" Kids would ask me just to hear the story again. Adults would stare and look away like they were ashamed of me. It was a very painful transition for a little girl to go through. However, as I grew up and became accustomed to the loss of vision and learned that even though my eye may not look the same, I'm still me--my perspective began to change. I realized that there were a lot worse things that could have happened to me and how blessed I was that it was only my eye that was hurt. This traumatic event has definitely changed my life, but I like to think that it has changed it for the better. Even now, when I begin to feel sorry for myself, I remember how blessed I am to still be able to see, even if it is only out of one eye. This injury has given me a unique opportunity to empathize with people who have a deformity, handicap, poor self-esteem or body image. It's ok to not be "perfect" because nobody is! It took an eye accident for me to realize that about myself and I'm grateful now be able to share that message with others.

List significant activities, group involvements, or accomplishments during your years of education: 
I was very active in lots of different groups and activities growing up. In grade school I was in choir and band. I played the trumpet and was 1st chair through sixth grade. My love for music took a different route though and I soon learned to love the piano and singing. I participated in choir my freshman year of high school and was able to be in the a'capella and advanced choirs beginning my sophmore year. I taught myself to play the piano at about age 14 and started voice lessons when I was 17. I took voice lessons for about 3 years (off and on) and loved the challenge or learning new styles. My favorites are opera and big band torch songs (the kind a woman would sing in a lounge, wearing a long red dress and laying across the top of a piano!). I tried out for the school and church talent shows and participated in any musical I could. Performing is such a blast! I always tried to do my best in school. I was always on the honor roll and was a member of the Heliaca National Honor Society. I graduated 20th in my class of over 500. In college, I worked really hard to earn good grades. My husband and I always competed to see who could get the better grades! :) My greatest achievement was when I scored a perfect 30 on my final exam in Political Philosophy. My professor told the class that he had never given a perfect score before, so to not expect it. When I got my grade I couldn't believe it. He told me my work was nothing short of outstanding! Those essays were on our fridge for a month! :)

Danielle's Experiences and Feelings Regarding Adoption

How do you think adopting a child will change your life? 
I think adopting a child will change my life in many ways. One, it will finally provide me the opportunity to welcome our children into our home. This alone will bring so much joy and opportunities for growth. Two, adopting a child will change how much money we have to do extra things each month. I know that raising children costs money and I am fully prepared to sacrifice my "extras" so that we can enjoy the blessings of having children in our home. Three, adopting a child/having a child, in general, will, at times, cause extra stress in my life and in our life as a couple. I will have to sacrifice sleep, free time, personal time and extra spending so that I can best care for our children. Clinton and I will have less alone time and will need to readjust how we spend the time we have together to ensure we are both getting what we need from each other on a daily basis.
Raising a family has been my goal in life since I was very little. Realizing it will not all be a fairytale, I feel, is an advantage that will keep me well-grounded and better prepared for whatever direction each day may lead. Overall though, I feel adopting a child will change my life for the better.

What does your extended family think about your adoption plans? 
My family is very supportive and very excited for us. They know we have been waiting a very long time to begin our family and that we are ready for adoption. They have been praying for us and our efforts in this process. Clinton's family is also very supportive and excited for us to adopt children. We both have family members who've adopted children and the thought of introducing more into the family is more than welcome!

How do you plan to discuss adoption with your children? 
I would actually like for my children to know they have been adopted from the very beginning. I would like them to know who their birth parents are so that they do not feel like they have been lied to or misled. I know there are books out there for adopted children that allow you to record their story and how you and their birth parents came to the decision to adopt. I think these methods are the best and most honest way for us to help our child learn about who they are and where they came from.

How would you feel if your child wanted to meet his or her birth parents? 
I would actually like for my children to meet their birth parents. My brother and his wife actually meet up with their daughter's birth parents' once a year in a neutral location. It shows their daughter, Hannah, who her birth parents are so she never has to wonder where she came from or why she was "given away". These meetings also give her the chance to see that the adoption was healthy and the best decision for her. It provides her birth parents the chance to see their daughter is doing well and that adoption was the best choice for them. And it gives my brother and his wife the opportunity to show the birth parents the love and appreciation they have for Hannah and how much they appreciate the sacrifice her birth parents made in placing her in their arms. This is the kind of relationship I'd like to have with my child and their birth parents, if they are comfortable with it.

Danielle's Experiences and Feelings Regarding Birth Parents


Describe your feelings about birth parents: 
I am so grateful for them and their willingness to give their child to a couple who is unable to have children on their own. It amazes me that someone so young can be so strong and mature in placing their child for adoption. I can't imagine the pain they must suffer and the anguish of letting go of their baby.
Birth parents are literally everything to me, because without them I wouldn't be able to have children at all. I don't even know who they are yet, but I pray for them that they can be strong, that they can feel comforted and know that they are so loved by a couple they don't even know. I truly love them and will love them forever for blessing me with my family.

How do you feel about meeting the birth parents and exchanging gifts, letters and pictures? 
I have no level of discomfort or restraint when it comes to meeting the birth parents, exchanging gifts, letters or pictures. I think the relationship we have with the birth parents is absolutely vital and if it requires meeting before the birth--I'd actually prefer it. I want to meet them and have them meet us so that they can know who we are, so they can feel excited to know that their child will be placed with such a good couple. I am more than happy to exchange letters and pictures. If I were in their situation, I would expect the same. I would like to leave it up to the birth parents to decide how often we meet in person after placement as well as how often they would like to receive updates and photos. I will forever be in debt to them for their sacrifice, so taking time to write letters and send pictures is the least I can do.

Can you love and be loved by a child born to someone else?
Of course!!! Before my brother adopted his first child, my family worried that we would not be able to love this child as much as we did the other biological grandkids. However, when Hannah came off that plane and we saw the smiles on my brother's and his wife's face--it was true love at first sight! She was as much a member of our family as any of the other kids and still is. We all love her so much and she loves us back. Hannah knows she is adopted but knows we are her family. She loves her cousins, Grammy and Papa and aunts and uncles. She and I love to read together and play with trains.
I have come to realize that it doesn't matter how the child comes into my family, but that the child has come into my family because it belongs in my family.

Danielle's Parenting Method & Skills


Describe your methods to teach and discipline children: 
I think it is very important for children to feel like they can make choices. My time in the nursery at church, and from many years of experience with my nieces and nephews have confirmed to me that this is true. When teaching children I like to get down to their eye level and speak plainly with them. If the principle I am trying to teach is difficult for them to understand, I will show and help them perform the task until they are able to do it on their own. I encourage and congratulate them when they are struggling or succeeding! For example, when picking up toys after playtime: I would let them know it's time to clean up.
I'll usually start singing a clean up song and help the child clean. I try to make it a race to finish or something else exciting to make the task a bit more fun to do. If they are too little to really pick up the majority of the toys, I will show them how to clean up and say what I'm doing so they understand why it's being done. Other teaching moments, like reading or new games, are a great opportunity to bond with the child. I like to sit with them and read informational books or help them read simple books and encourage them as we go along.
When I spend alone time with kids, either babysitting or playing with them I know that I need to be ready to encourage their successes and when necessary, help them be obedient through discipline. For example, when I was watching my niece and she was disobedient I would calmly tell her that she could choose to stop her behavior and be able to continue her positive activity or she could choose to continue to be disobedient and be put in timeout. If she disobeyed again I would put her in timeout and let her know that because she did not choose to be obedient she made the choice to be put in timeout. (The length of timeouts was usually their age (in minutes) after they turned two.) After timeout, I talked with her to make sure she understand why she was put in timeout. If she didn't, I would walk her through what happened and see if she could tell me what she thought went wrong. When we'd talked it through I let her know that I loved her and wanted her to make better choices in the future so she didn't have to be in timeout again. I also made sure to steal a hug and kiss.
For discipline under the age of two I will usually use words and actions to show and tell the child what they had done (like if they hit, I would take their hand and say "no" as I stroked what they had hit and say "we need be be soft". In all situations of using discipline, I think it is very important that the child not feel threatened, ganged-up on or unloved. I ALWAYS end discipline with letting the child know that I love them and want them to make good choices because it makes everyone happy.

Describe your parenting experience: 
I am the proud aunt of 20 nieces and nephews. It was my privelege to be able to babysit my sister's two children for two years while she worked. They came to my home at 7 in the morning and stayed till about 4:30pm. I got to get them dressed, feed them, put them down for naps, discipline when necessary, read to them, play with them, run errands with them, and care for their welfare five days a week. As the oldest got older, I had to learn babyproof my house and change our daily routine to ensure she was not bored. It was a great learning opportunity for me to understand just how selfless I would need to be as a mother. I also gained a wonderfully close relationship with those two children that is still strong today, eventhough we are miles apart.

What is your plan for childcare? 
I do not plan to return to work once we adopt. I have thought about what we would need to do when we would need a sitter and have already discussed this with my girlfriends. They all have a trading system that they use and we could each take turns watching each other's children so the other couple or individual could have free access to childcare. We are also not opposed to hiring one of the young women from church from time to time for date nights.