Danielle's Experiences and Feelings Regarding Adoption

How do you think adopting a child will change your life? 

I think adopting a child will change my life in many ways. One, it will finally provide me the opportunity to welcome our children into our home. This alone will bring so much joy and opportunities for growth. Two, adopting a child will change how much money we have to do extra things each month. I know that raising children costs money and I am fully prepared to sacrifice my "extras" so that we can enjoy the blessings of having children in our home. Three, adopting a child/having a child, in general, will, at times, cause extra stress in my life and in our life as a couple. I will have to sacrifice sleep, free time, personal time and extra spending so that I can best care for our children. Clinton and I will have less alone time and will need to readjust how we spend the time we have together to ensure we are both getting what we need from each other on a daily basis.

Raising a family has been my goal in life since I was very little. Realizing it will not all be a fairytale, I feel, is an advantage that will keep me well-grounded and better prepared for whatever direction each day may lead. Overall though, I feel adopting a child will change my life for the better.

What does your extended family think about your adoption plans? 

My family is very supportive and very excited for us. They know we have been waiting a very long time to begin our family and that we are ready for adoption. They have been praying for us and our efforts in this process. Clinton's family is also very supportive and excited for us to adopt children. We both have family members who've adopted children and the thought of introducing more into the family is more than welcome!

How do you plan to discuss adoption with your children? 

I would actually like for my children to know they have been adopted from the very beginning. I would like them to know who their birth parents are so that they do not feel like they have been lied to or misled. I know there are books out there for adopted children that allow you to record their story and how you and their birth parents came to the decision to adopt. I think these methods are the best and most honest way for us to help our child learn about who they are and where they came from.

How would you feel if your child wanted to meet his or her birth parents? 

I would actually like for my children to meet their birth parents. My brother and his wife actually meet up with their daughter's birth parents' once a year in a neutral location. It shows their daughter, Hannah, who her birth parents are so she never has to wonder where she came from or why she was "given away". These meetings also give her the chance to see that the adoption was healthy and the best decision for her. It provides her birth parents the chance to see their daughter is doing well and that adoption was the best choice for them. And it gives my brother and his wife the opportunity to show the birth parents the love and appreciation they have for Hannah and how much they appreciate the sacrifice her birth parents made in placing her in their arms. This is the kind of relationship I'd like to have with my child and their birth parents, if they are comfortable with it.

Clinton's Experiences and Feelings Regarding Adoption

How do you think adopting a child will change your life? 

Since we currently have no children, I think that adopting a child will change our lives in much the same way that any first-time parents have their lives changed by a new addition to the family. It will mean much more responsibility and much more planning of date nights but (of course) I think that it will all be worth it to be able to raise our own children and to experience parenthood first-hand.

What does your extended family think about your adoption plans? 

My family is very supportive of our plan to adopt. My mother used to continually ask when we were going to have children, and now that she knows that we will be adopting, she constantly asks what is taking so long. Furthermore, I have an older sister that is trying to adopt through the provincial government in Alberta, Canada, so my family has been quite supportive of the idea.

How do you plan to discuss adoption with your children? 

I've actually thought about this question a lot, especially lately as the reality of adoption has become closer. I think that the best way to discuss the issue would be to inform the child very early in his/her life so that it is not something that we have to inform them of all at once. Furthermore, I think it would be important to emphasize that we (his/her adopted parents) waited a long time to finally become parents and to express the huge blessing that he/she is to us. It would also be important to let him/her know that his/her birthmother loved him/her enough to see that she couldn't take care of him/her in a way that she wanted, so she allowed us to take care of him/her instead.

How would you feel if your child wanted to meet his or her birth parents? 

Depending on how old the child is and their reasoning for wanting to meet his/her birth parents, I would be quite supportive of the idea. I wouldn't want the child to think that we are trying to sequester him/her away from his/her "real family", but rather that the child can know more whenever he or she feels ready.

Danielle's Experiences and Feelings Regarding Birth Parents

Describe your feelings about birth parents: 

I am so grateful for them and their willingness to give their child to a couple who is unable to have children on their own. It amazes me that someone so young can be so strong and mature in placing their child for adoption. I can't imagine the pain they must suffer and the anguish of letting go of their baby.

Birth parents are literally everything to me, because without them I wouldn't be able to have children at all. I don't even know who they are yet, but I pray for them that they can be strong, that they can feel comforted and know that they are so loved by a couple they don't even know. I truly love them and will love them forever for blessing me with my family.

How do you feel about meeting the birth parents and exchanging gifts, letters and pictures? 

I have no level of discomfort or restraint when it comes to meeting the birth parents, exchanging gifts, letters or pictures. I think the relationship we have with the birth parents is absolutely vital and if it requires meeting before the birth--I'd actually prefer it. I want to meet them and have them meet us so that they can know who we are, so they can feel excited to know that their child will be placed with such a good couple. I am more than happy to exchange letters and pictures. If I were in their situation, I would expect the same. I would like to leave it up to the birth parents to decide how often we meet in person after placement as well as how often they would like to receive updates and photos. I will forever be in debt to them for their sacrifice, so taking time to write letters and send pictures is the least I can do.

Can you love and be loved by a child born to someone else?

Of course!!! Before my brother adopted his first child, my family worried that we would not be able to love this child as much as we did the other biological grandkids. However, when Hannah came off that plane and we saw the smiles on my brother's and his wife's face--it was true love at first sight! She was as much a member of our family as any of the other kids and still is. We all love her so much and she loves us back. Hannah knows she is adopted but knows we are her family. She loves her cousins, Grammy and Papa and aunts and uncles. She and I love to read together and play with trains.

I have come to realize that it doesn't matter how the child comes into my family, but that the child has come into my family because it belongs in my family.

Clinton's Experiences and Feelings Regarding Birth Parents

Describe your feelings about birth parents: 

Being a birth parent and giving your child up must be incredibly hard to do. Hoping that the people you entrust your child with are good and honest people must also be an unimaginable experience. Obviously, the birth parents must have a lot of faith and trust that they're doing the right thing in order to go through with something that must be so difficult.

How do you feel about meeting the birth parents and exchanging gifts, letters and pictures? 

I have no problem with this idea. I think it would be important to both the child and the birth parent(s) to satisfy their curiosity and to allow both the child and the birth parent(s) to not feel excluded from the other's life.

Can you love and be loved by a child born to someone else? 

I have a difficult time understanding why a person would feel that a child entrusted to them through adoption is any different than a child born to them.

Although I have not been a parent yet, I cannot see why I would feel any less love towards an adopted child rather than a biological child.